By Ron Keeping, Certified Life Coach
Each year, millions of couples get divorced...
For example, there are over 50,000 divorces per year in Canada and a whopping 800,000 divorces in the United States
These are incredible numbers!
How many of those marriages could be saved?
Unfortunately, it's impossible to tell.
Can your marriage be saved? I can't really answer that...
I can tell you that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do something, then luckily, there is a much better chance that your marriage will be saved.
And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you can do to save your marriage.
You can start right now. But you must understand that I said "simple." That is not the same as "easy." These steps are not easy. But they do give you a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage in trouble.
Here are the 4 steps:
1. Quit the blame game.
Don't blame your spouse and don't blame yourself. Getting stuck in this pattern of blame makes it impossible to make any progress. Instead, things only keep getting worse and worse.
Blame is our way of avoiding seeing ourselves clearly. It's a lot easier to point the finger at someone and say, "It's their fault." In marriage, you can also turn that finger on yourself and place the blame there, saying "it's all my fault."
This is hazardous! sure, accuse feels great for the time being, but in the long haul, it avoids any positive change. So, even if you can make a long list of why you or your spouse is to blame, forget it. Even if the list is true, it won't help your marriage. Blame is the fuel of divorces.
2. Take responsibility.
Realize you can do something. Once you want to see change, the change can begin. Keep in mind that taking responsibility is not the same as taking the blame (see above).
Blame is saying "regardless of who's at fault, there are things that I can do to trigger change, and I'm going to do it." In what ways does your spouse upset you? What things do you do that upsets your spouse? Don't allow these things to upset you, and don't do the things that upset your spouse.
There's a difference between placing blame and taking responsibility. Placing blame is trying to determine who is at fault, but taking responsibility is thinking about how you will take action to save the marriage.
3. Get resources from experts.
If others have been helped, you can be, too. Experts with a great deal more perspective and experience can be a real help in these situations. Do your research and divide the useless from the useful, then take advantage of the useful.
If counseling is out of the question, I recommend trying the Save The Marriage System. It's spreading like a wildfire of love and saving marriages all over the world!
Albert Einstein said, "The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them." In other words, what got you into trouble will not get you out of trouble. That requires a whole new level of thinking. And that is what you get from an outside expert, someone with a fresh perspective.
4. Take action.
Understanding the problem is one thing, but you need to take action to change things. Do this on a daily basis. A problem isn't going to resolve itself just because you understand it. You must focus your energy on understanding the problem, then resolving it.
Will your marriage be saved? I hope so! If you follow my suggestions, you're off to a good start. Marriage is one of those places where it takes two to make it work, but only one to really mess things up. You can only do your part, but many times, that is enough.
Remember, counseling isn't possible for everyone, but the Save The Marriage System is. Plus, it comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee. So what do you really have to lose?
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